It’s a good thing I’m fairly comfortable with myself, or Hallie would have had me reeling this week. On Thursday night I had my monthly supper club. Hallie’s used to me changing clothes, putting on a little makeup, and generally looking nicer than I do all day. Yesterday, I just didn’t have the energy to do much. I went up to brush my teeth and hair and put on a little lipstick but didn’t change my clothes. Apparently Hallie was expecting a bigger transformation. When I came down and walked past the play room she looked up and said, “Well I guess you’re just not going to look very pretty tonight, are you?” My amused response: “Well, apparently not!”
She laid another one on me this morning. She’s long been interested in comparing her body with mine. She’ll stretch to her tiptoes, measure herself against me by running her hand across her head at such at steep angle it hits me near the neck, and declare “I’m almost as tall as you are!” This morning while I brushed her teeth she was comparing her reflection in the mirror with mine right behind her. After noticing that her body blocked out most of mine she declared happily, “Mommy, my body is almost as fat as yours is!”
In both instances it’s a good thing I know what she meant and not just what she said!
Hallie has been pretty emotional lately, too. Maybe we’re all feeding off each other. Hallie’s gone back into whiney mode fairly often, with some fits (like her resistance to our bike ride last weekend) getting pretty insistent and irrational. She’s balancing this, though, with an extra dose of sweet talking to her parents. She’s always been affectionate, but lately she keeps popping up with comments like “I just love my Mommy and Daddy SOOOO much!” or “Daddy, I love you to the moon 152 times!” Or “I just want to stay cuddled up with my mommy all day long because it’s so sweet to be close to you.” Often these comments come out of the blue and get rewarded by a chase, a hug, and a tickle. I think Hallie’s figured out that she likes the response so much she’s doing what she can to get it more frequently. But we’re not complaining!
Travis turns two and a half today. That might call for a trip to Bruster’s after dinner!
I’d have to rank yesterday as one of the more challenging days I’ve had with the kids, certainly at least since Travis was tiny. Hallie has been doing more than her share of whining or overreacting, but the last week or so has been pretty tough with Travis, especially. He’s been pitching multiple fits a day (or an hour, depending). I find myself flinching before I tell him no or redirect his activities because most often a storm ensues. Anything from getting into the car to being told he can’t have a yogurt five minutes before dinner to getting him to brush his teeth to what he’s going to wear to taking him to school can unleash his two-year-old fury. He’s been doing a lot of throwing toys or smacking Hallie when he’s frustrated, and he’s been getting frustrated a lot.
His sleep schedule has been out of sorts, too. He’s been doing some amount of wailing most every night in a plea to extend his bedtime attentions, and he’s had a few days with super-short or nonexistent naps. I know new stages of development often bring with them behavioral changes and sleep changes. So that’s my guess about what’s going on. He had a drippy nose for several days but no other symptoms and I didn’t get the sense that he felt bad. He’s been getting hauled around a lot while I do errands for Hallie’s school fund raiser. That certainly hasn’t helped, but I don’t think it’s been the cause, either.
Mark and I are trying to take a loving but firm approach to things. Last night, after giving him repeated chances to eat his falafel (which he often devours) he went to bed without dinner. We were braced for a long night, but other than two short bursts (only one of which required a visit), he had a fine night and a happy morning. And for the first time in days I listened to him play happily in his bed before falling asleep at naptime.
Some of the issue may be that he just isn’t needing as much sleep anymore and he’s figuring out how to make that shift. If he gives up napping now, it’s going to rock my world. I really hope we get back into our old pattern! I’m not going to let him sleep past 4:30 anymore, in hopes that that will smooth out his bedtime schedule. I know we’ll probably have a big shift when Hallie starts school in the fall and needs an earlier bedtime. In the meantime, I’m hoping to hang onto our peaceful sleep times for as long as possible.
Figuring out what he needs is a chicken and egg dilemma. On the one hand I was really stressed and short on patience last week. Did my stress rub off on the kids or did their behavior create my stress? I know it demolished my patience! On the other hand, was he not feeling well or is he not getting something he needs, which is making him act out? Or is this just a typical part of his age and development? No way to know for sure, so we’ll just continue to ride it out and do the best we can. I have to say it sure was nice to see his smile and watch him play happily today on Hallie’s field trip. Maybe we’re over the hump–or this one, at least.
Hallie had a bit of a tough time on Friday night while we had her friend Suzanna’s family over for pizza. Hallie and Suzanna were setting up the tent, and Travis was getting into everything they were doing. He started climbing in the tent while they set it up, and when Hallie got frustrated she yanked part of the tent away from him. Travis conked his head on the wall, and set up a good wail. I spoke firmly to Hallie about how she should have used her words or come to me but she should never push anyone or use force to get her way. She immediately started wailing, too.
Travis calmed down more quickly than Hallie did. She told me she was sorry and that she “just forgot.” I reassured her that things were OK, but she was still upset. She came to me in the kitchen and told me that she was feeling a bit embarrassed and she felt like being alone. I suggested that she sit on the couch in the den since at that moment everyone was either in the kitchen or the playroom. This worked for a little bit, but shortly John and Julia (not aware of Hallie’s need for aloneness) moved into the den. Hallie came to me and said she still wanted to be alone but didn’t know how to say anything to them about it. I told her that it was OK for them to be in there since they were our guests and that if she still felt she wanted to be alone, she could go upstairs since there were people in all the rooms downstairs.
Her response–now keep in mind that her goal was to find a place to be alone–was priceless: “But I don’t want to go upstairs. That’s too far away from everyone!”
After another minute or two, she snapped back to normal and the rest of the night went smoothly. What a lot of work it takes to figure out all those emotions!
Hallie gave me some priceless insight into her understanding of relationships on the way home from karate yesterday. She mentioned wanting to have a little boy in her class over to play. I’d never heard her say that, so I asked if she’d been playing with Ehren more lately. She explained that she played with him when Hayley wasn’t there but that when Hayley was there, Hayley and Ehren were best friends. I asked if Hayley had been there that day and she said no, so she and Ehren were best friends that day “because it’s always good to have a spare best friend”
I was intrigued by the concept of best friends and spare best friends, so I asked her if she had a best friend. She named two little girls, and I asked if they were her best friend or each other’s best friends. “We’re all best friends!” she said. Then I asked about two other girls I know she plays with who she hadn’t mentioned. “Oh, they’re best friends, too. We’re all best friends and spare best friends to each other.” It seems to be a wonderfully fluid definition!
Faced with a gorgeous day and no concrete plans until late afternoon, Mark and I talked with the kids this morning about what we should do. Mark proposed a walk in the nature park, and I suggested a bike ride. Mark immediately liked the bike ride idea, and I figured we were all set. But that idea didn’t sit well with Hallie, who’s been prone to dramatic mood changes and bouts of whininess, often with little obvious cause.
Hallie got it in her head that she only wanted to play in the back yard or look for some friends. We have a history of Hallie resisting the idea of a bike ride and then having a great time, so Mark and I plowed on ahead and overrode her wails of “I’m not going!” By the time we were ready and putting the bikes together on the driveway, Hallie was saying cheerfully, “Now that I see the bikes it makes me feel like I’m excited about going for a ride!” as if there was never a wail or whine about it. Sometimes I really could tear my hair out! But at least I know her well enough that I know we often just need to get over a hump of resistance and things will work themselves out.
We proceeded to have a fantastic ride. Instead of sticking to the greenway, we road on the hilly fire roads and trails in the nature park. Hallie was positively shrieking with glee as Mark sped her over roots and rocks. At one point I swear her bottom came right off her seat, and she loved every second of it. When we stopped to explore an old chimney in a clearing, she just wanted to keep riding. And twice during the outing we headed farther away from home instead of heading back because both kids protested, “We don’t want to turn around! We don’t want to go home!”
Travis, who climbed quite happily into his trailer at the start of the ride, had a tough time getting strapped in again after each of our stops. I’m not sure if he was excited about the chimney clearing or just didn’t want to get back in the trailer after that stop. But it took both me and Mark to strap him in, and he wailed for about 5 minutes of riding about wanting to go back there and not wanting to go home. I started singing to him (as best I could while pumping up the hills) and eventually his wails turned to singing of his own and the rest of that stage was quite happy. Our final stop was for frozen yogurt at Bruster’s, which of course was a hit with everyone. But when we were done there Travis pitched another fit. Again, once we got going he was fine. When we pulled into our house he declared, “I don’t want to go home!” But his complaints were half-hearted and he enjoyed helping Mark put the bikes away.
All in all it was the best ride we’ve ever done. I think next time we just need to do a better job of preparing Travis for when our stops are ending and where we’re going next. It won’t be long before he’s ready for a trail-a-bike of his own!
Yesterday was the fourth annual WalkAmerica for the Turner family. We were pleased and proud to earn almost $1700 for a cause we really believe in! We couldn’t have done it without the support of our family, friends, and readers. If there’s anyone out there who meant to contribute and didn’t make the deadline, we’re still $140 away from our goal and have another month to turn in money. Just a thought:-)
This time of year is a tough one for me. Two things I care about a lot–The March of Dimes’ WalkAmerica and Hallie’s school–have their big fund raisers within weeks of each other. I took on more than just fundraising for this year’s WalkAmerica, agreeing to coordinate the mascots for the walk this weekend. And I’m coordinating the whole silent auction for Hallie’s school fundraiser, helping out with other parts of the event, and doing my other Board member duties, too. I feel good about the work I’m doing for both, but I’m feeling ready for it to be over. On May 4th (the day after the wine tasting) I will breathe a big sigh of relief!
Just like last year, poor Travis is paying a price for my CHR work. I’m constantly running errands, collecting prizes, making phone calls, and picking up supplies, and he just gets hauled along. It feels like I’m always on a tight schedule to get things in before picking Hallie up or dropping her off, and I’m doing a lot more rushing him and hurrying myself than I’d like. He’s been an incredibly good sport about it, but it seems to be wearing thin. At least we’re entering the home stretch. Two weeks from Thursday, and the bulk of that work will be behind us.
The other thing that’s had me topsy-turvy lately is that I got a new computer. I LOVE it, but the switch from a PC to a Mac has had its bumps. And last week was a tough time to be without a computer for a few days. Things are working much more smoothly now, though I may have to wait until summer to explore all the really cool things this machine can do. But they’ll be waiting for me! At least I haven’t had any work deadlines on top of everything else! I think I’ll have more to do just around the corner, but hopefully it can be held off until I’ve got a little space to squeeze it in.
I know I’d be bored if I didn’t have a lot going on, but there are points when it gets a little hard to keep all the plates spinning. The irony is that while a lot of what I’m doing is “for” the kids, or at least related to them, their daily lives get affected when I’m tired or frazzled. I’ve been working hard to keep that from happening too much. And I’ll keep focusing on that little light way down the tunnel. I really can see it now!
A couple of bumpy episodes this week make me wonder if Travis isn’t shifting his schedule away from quite so much sleep. On Monday he flat out refused to nap. He’s never done that at home before. He started saying “I’m ready to get up” before I even left the room. And he got quite expressive about it before long! I went to him a few times and finally decided to just let him wear himself out. But it never happened. Mark sat with him a while, too, and finally put him back in bed happy–but not sleepy. So, I finally released him and he went without a nap.
By the end of the night it was clear how much he’d really needed at least some sleep. “Mr. Destructo” returned, complete with no listening skills, toy-tossing, Hallie-hitting, and wails when told “no” about anything. I had started out tired, and by the end of his non-nap, my patience was gone. He and Hallie fed off each other, my state didn’t help, and by bedtime we had a chorus of wails filling the hallway. The ONLY upside was that they were both asleep by 8:00, which is unheard of. But it wasn’t worth the price!
Today, I had the opposite problem with Travis. He took a good nap, actually slightly shorter than normal (2-2.5 hours). But at bedtime he was still charged up. After leaving him for 10 or 15 minutes, I finally went back and let him sit with me. We’d been trying to stick to a policy of “no getting out of bed once you’re in it for the night” b/c we had gotten into a pattern of him calling us back over and over again. But tonight he obviously needed something. So, I put him in my lap in the rocker, determined not to interact with him very much. Turns out he didn’t need me to interact–he was perfectly happy to carry the conversation himself. In about 15 minutes I think I said “uh huh” about 5 times and nothing else. Travis, on the other hand, talked nonstop the whole time.
Part of his conversation went something like this: “I like cows. Cows eat grass. I don’t know why cows eat grass. Cows eat grass but I don’t know why cows eat grass because they eat grass but I don’t know why they eat grass.” And then “grass” must have made him think of “gas” because he continued, “Cars need gas. You take your car and put gas in it. Cars need gas and for you to put gas in them but I don’t know why you put gas in cars but you need to put gas in cars because they need gas but I don’t know why cars need gas.”
On and on he went, just total stream-of-consciousness. My frustration washed away and I just held him and smiled and admired the mind that was working so fast he just wasn’t ready to turn it off. Eventually I started giving him warnings that he’d be getting back in bed. At first every time I’d even shift my weight he’d tense and say “I’m not ready to get in bed!” But eventually he relaxed. He latched onto his Maisy telling time book, and we agreed he’d take that in bed with him. He was still talking to me as I left, but this time the talk didn’t turn to wails. And it was about 2 minutes before I could hear his breathing even out. I enjoyed my extra time with him–but I was also glad when he fell asleep!
